The Nanny Diaries, Starring Boner Stabone

When you’re an actor there are certain occupational hazards you have to deal with. Sitting inches away from the sexiest woman in the world and staring directly into her eyes just so happens to be one of them.

Judging by these pictures, Scarlett’s The Nanny Diaries co-star Chris Evans performs his own stunts. I’m sure if you asked him about these pictures he’d break out the classic Curb Your Enthusiasm “awkward pants” defense, but I’m not buying it. She’s Scarlett Johansson. No jury in America would you convict you, Chris, it’s okay to be “excited” to work with her.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

I just downloaded 24 Pete Yorn songs over at I Am Fuel, You Are Friend, most of which I’ve never heard before. Now I’m going to spend the rest of my afternoon listening to them. I really couldn’t be any happier.

Disco-Not-Disco has a track by Gnarls Barkley and a remix of N.E.R.D’s “She Wants to Move.” Both are highly recommended for white people who want to “mix it up” a little bit.

Jonathan Richman’s little brother from a different mother, Adam Green, has a new album out; Neiles Life has a handful of tracks from it. Go check out these new tunes from the first man to ever record a song about Jessica Simpson. We owe it to him.

So Much Silence has posted a track by the highly underrated Magic Numbers. Get “Forever Lost” on your iPod ASAP.

Finally, You Aint No Picasso put up a great Rufus Wainwright track yesterday – a cover of Irving Berlin’s “What’ll I Do.” Rufus, dad Loudon, sister Martha: it’s a family affair. Lets hope this doesn’t give the Spears’ any ideas.

PROPPED: Exclusive Routes and Schedule For the Tom Cruise Crazytrain!

BIG proppers to reader garble for tipping us off to this EXCLUSIVE leaked itinerary, which lists and maps Tom Cruise’s forthcoming frenzied M:I3 publicity assault on Manhattan.

Captain Thetan is taking planes, trains, automobiles, speedboats and motorcycles across the entire city, stopping only to dance on cars, pump his fists in the air, and make bizarre, alienating statements his Livejasmin publicist wishes he wouldn’t! Expect him to be on his A-game, cranking the crazy up even higher - cause this time, he’s got a child to provide for!

With this exclusive guide, you too can experience The Cruise’s power and beauty, it’s shock and awe, up close and personal! Next Wednesday, May 3rd - Be There!

SIZZLER: Brangelina Shrugged?

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are considering co-starring in another movie together after the success of their blockbuster Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This time around it’s Ayn Rand’s seminal novel Atlas Shrugged.

While many have tried to cinematically adapt the literary triumph that grapples with the philosophical implications of capitalism in the face of economic devastation, all previous attempts have failed.

But producers believe that Hollywood’s super-couple Brangelina will be able to translate the complicated material for live sex chat film. And if they can’t do it, maybe TomKat or Dambora can.

Is Jessica Alba Having the Best Week Ever?

Keira Knightley may have stolen Kate Moss’s job and Jennifer Love Hewitt may have a cute new haircut, but Jessica Alba is definitely having the best week ever.

Let’s examine the facts: She’s nominated for not one but two MTV Movie Awards for her work in Sin City and, believe it or not, Fantastic Four. But she’s not just a hot super hero, she’s also one of People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People in the World, thanks to all her inner-beauty.

But the real reason her week is going so well, is because she avoided a near-fatal nip slip. At Us Weekly’s recent Hot Hollywood Awards, Jessica almost shared the fate of straight-to-video vixen Tara Reid, when her dress strap fell down. Alba, who famously rebuked Playboy for insinuating she posed nude, has worked hard to be both hot babe and serious Chaturbate actress. And thanks to her good fortune this week she can remain chaste until she finds the right role that really challenges her to take her top off.

While You Were Choosing To Accept Mission:Stalk Cruise

Thanks to our insider, we’ve got a leaked itinerary for Tom Cruise’s taking of Manhattan next Wednesday. Reserve your spot on the Crazytrain!

Jennifer Lopez says she’s misunderstood.

I don’t really see what’s so hard to understand about a marginally-talented, tabloid-whoring diva who goes through men like kleenex.

Super-cool-ultra-indie “it couple” Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal are reportedly looking to staart their new faamily in the haappenin’ neighborhood of Tribecaa.

Now that she’s been voted off American Idol, Kellie Pickler is gearing up to begin her new 15-minute-long career of B-list reality show casts leading up to the obligatory Playboy spread.

Quentin Tarantino is reportedly directing a biopic about guitar legend Jimi Hendrix. It will be sort of like Ray, except with fancier camerawork, way more karate and liberal use of the word “f*ck”. Meahwhile, Jamie Foxx has already started dropping acid in order to win the jasmin live role.

Donating Money To Public Radio?

This American LifeIn life, there are certain universal milestones that make you stop and think to yourself, “man, I’m getting older, aren’t I?” Here’s a brief list of such events, in loose chronological order:

Just yesterday, I greatly accelerated the process by skipping right over the “New England” part and doing something that my 21-year-old self would have mercilessly made fun of me for: I donated $5 to This American Life.

I know, it’s only $5, but this is one slippery em-effer of a slope. What other “wow, I’m really old” life events could possibly top giving money to public radio? Becoming a grandpa? Unironically ordering off the Ruby Tuesday’s senior menu? Giving money to public television but my tv is broken and I only get the sound? I’m not joking here — this is the elite making-you-feel-old company that “donating to radio” keeps.

What’s most striking about the event, however, is that I really, truly felt obligated to donate the money. Every time my college calls me about donating $50 to toss on top of their gold-coin-filled money bin, I laugh it off, usually with the student on the other end of the phone wanting to laugh along with me but not being able to because the conversations are monitored.

Ira GlassBut when Ira Glass took two minutes out of one podcast to mention that the web hosting for their program cost about $150,000 a year, so if half the 300,000 listeners even give a dollar, they can keep making it, I immediately thought, “Wow, that makes a lot of sense, and I listen to this show every week. I really should give them some money.” How did I turn into this rational abomination of a human?? Four years ago, I was earnestly sticking Postal Service quotes in my AIM profile, and now I’ve turned into middle-aged-but-still-articulate unimposing-Democrat grandpa? What the f*ck happened?

I wasn’t doing it out of obligation, I wasn’t doing it because I had to, like when the Ricky Gervais podcast stopped being free and I begrudgingly coughed up the ten bucks for the season, I was doing it because it made complete sense to me because I listen to the broadcast all the time because I AM AN OLD, OLD MAN. And please don’t give me anything in the comments about “you think you’re old? Well I’m blah blah blee bla bloo!” because I frickin’ willingly and happily just gave money to public broadcasting, and I defy you to deliver me an anecdote that represents a greater level of conceptual oldness than this act.

To put this event into some context, within two days of turning twenty-five, the following two things happened to me:

1) I went to the gym and noticed that the “target heart rate” chart on the treadmill was grouped by age, with “24 and Younger” as the first listing, then “25-28″ as the second listing, meaning that in one week, my heart became fundamentally weaker than it had ever been and would remain that way forever.

2) I had to re-register my iPod on iTunes, and for the “Enter Your Age” category, one was “18-24,” and the next one was “25-34.” One week ago, I had been the equivalent of an eighteen-year-old. I was now thirty-four. And my heart sucked, to boot.

Needless to say, these incidents paaaaale in comparison to this most recent act of self-old-making. And nothing I can do now will ever alter this fact.

Though buying a Corvette couldn’t hurt?

Drew Carey is The Most Unenthusiastic Game Show Host

When word broke that Bob Barker would be leaving the legendary game show The Price Is Right, we were less than enthused. After all, the plucky white-haired maestro of the 11 o’clock hour had been fueling our Grandaddy Fantasies for years… and we weren’t ready to give that, or his oddly pencil-like microphone, up so quickly. We wanted a replacement who had all the grace, charm, humor and gentle boob-handling ways that Barker displayed from the get go…

Then Drew Carey stepped in. And while we tried our DAMNED best to give the bespeckled corned-beef head a chance, it hasn’t been easy. One of our biggest issues with Drew is that he just DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE about the fact that he is giving out FABULOUS PRIZES. He’s so over it!

Like in the following clip, for instance, where Drew is counting up the change needed to purchase a fine contestant a brand new car. Carey is so absolutely blasé about the situation, the player barely even knows he’s won anything! There’s none of that Bob Barker question fake-out, none of that “Holy Sh*t I Just Won a Car” enthusiasm, and zero exuberance. We would like to present this video as proof that Drew Carey is the Most Unenthusiastic Game Show Host…. ever.